Warriors Fanfic
by luvdatdog
Summary: A fanfic i wrote for my friends, including their warrior cat ocs and few canon characters. A very serious fanfic. (it is not a serious fanfic)
1. Chapter 1

_before i begin, this fanfic isnt serious AT ALL its just a joke. i hope you all have as good a time as i did making this up_

* * *

Jewelpaw was sitting contentedly in a tree, hiding from her mentor and dosing away peacefully when Peachpaw walked up to her resting place and began scratching at the tree's trunk.

"What do you want?" hissed Jewelpaw, annoyed.

"Crystalice is looking for you," mewed Peachpaw, flicking her tail side to side.

"Uggggggggggh," mewed Jewelpaw, "Sometimes I wish I had my own Clan!"

"Really? What would it be called? LoserClan?" teased Peachpaw.

"No!" spat Jewelpaw, "it would be called SexyClan, and only the sexiest cats will be allowed to join!"

"Wow! And would I be the clan leader?" asked Peachpaw.

"Of course not!" meowed Jewelpaw, "I said the _sexiest _cats. So I'll be the clan leader. I can see it all now, Jewelstar, the leader of the SexyClan cats!"

"Did someone say _sexy?" _came a voice, and the two apprentices whipped their heads around to see Pisskitty, who had been eavesdropping. Pisskitty wrapped his tail around himself grandly and made the sexiest looking expression a cat could make.

"I am the sexiest cat alive, if you didn't know, you silly apprentices," he said, "if there's to be a ruler of _any _SexyClan, it would definitely be _me_,"


	2. Chapter 2

Jewelpaw was surrounded by ShadowClan cats, reading to pounce on her.

She didn't know what to do, the cats were crouched low, forming a circle around her. She was trapped.

Then, she got an idea.

Crouching down low, she stared as the cats circled her, looking for the most vulnerable place to attack. Then, when she was sure they were about to hurt her, she stood up on her back legs, making her seem tall. The more cowardly of the ShadowClan cats—probably still apprentices like her—backed away, frightened that she had a new move. The more experience hissed, their ears back.

Then, Jewelpaw started to dance. The ShadowClan cats looked confused, and she knew her plan was going to work.

"M-m-m…" began Jewelpaw weakly, and the cats stared at her, wondering what she would do next.

"MY MILKSHAKES BRING ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD," mewed Jewelpaw, singing and dancing as best as she could as the ShadowClan cats backed away.

"AND THEY'RE LIKE, IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS,

DAMN RIGHT, IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS,

I CAN TEACH YOU, BUT I HAVE TO CHARGE!" sang Jewelpaw, and when she was finished with her solo act, the ShadowClan cats all around her were bowing down to her, with respect in their eyes.

"I knew my Sexy would get me out of this situation," mewed Jewelpaw, smirking, "now, my cats, who is the sexiest cat in any Clan?"

"You are, Jewelpaw," chorused the ShadowClan cats, "please! Do an encore!"

"Anything for you, my nyas," said Jewelpaw.


	3. Chapter 3

pisspaw is my NOtp

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Pisskitty was doing his favourite watch in his favourite tree when he heard a yowl in the distance.

He jumped down from his tree, and crouched down, wanting to be careful of whatever the sound came from. What if a fox had broken into the Nursery again? It was much too risky.

But as he got closer to the source of the yowl, he saw it was just some foolish she-cat who had eaten too much supper.

"Jewelpaw! You imbecile!" he mewed softly, "don't you know you could attract enemies yowling like that!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Pissbaby—oh I mean Piss_kitty, _I had just eaten a bird that flew into a Twoleg home and got hot sauce spilled on its wing," said Jewelpaw, "Good Starclan, that hot sauce is HOT! Almost hotter than me,"

"Ha!" laughed Pisskitty, "if you're sexy then I'm the leader of PissClan, the only omorashi clan around here,"

"You know…you do look familiar. Maybe you are secretly the leader," mewed Jewelpaw, "I mean you never know."

"Silence, apprentice!" spat Pisskitty, his golden fur bristling, "if you want to know sexy, then I'll show you sexy!"

All of a sudden the cats in Starclan decided to shine a single beam of moonlight on Pisskitty, illuminating his fur and making him look _almost_ seductive…well, as seductive as a cat could look.

Pisskitty stood up on his back legs and began dancing slowly and seductively.

"_I'm bringing sexy back_," he sang softly.

"YEAH!" yowled a cat in the distance.

"_Them other toms don't know how to act_,"

"YEAH!"

"_I think you're special, what's behind your back_?"

_"So turn around and I'll pick up the slack,"_

"_Dirty babe…_" sang Pisskitty, "_You see these shackles baby; I'm your slave,_

_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave…_

_It's just that no one makes me feel this way…."_

"Eeeeuuuuuuucccccccck!" spat Jewelpaw, "that was _absolutely disturbing_!"


End file.
